An Unexpected Passing

This morning, around 4am, my grandfather woke up and went to get his paper like he always does. He takes a flashlight and walks outside since it’s dark. This particular morning was different.

My grandfather was found several hours later on his kitchen floor, flashlight lying nearby. As of right now, the cause of death is uncertain, but they suspect it was a heart attack.

8 months earlier, in August, my grandfather had a brush with death when he fell asleep at the wheel of his pickup truck and went over a bank. The truck flipped numerous times and was completely mangled: the paramedics have no idea how he survived. He had to spend a few weeks in the hospital from all the broken bones, and once he got out he was often in a lot of pain.

The last time I actually saw my grandfather was even before that, back in June. After getting back from seeing Mal for the first time, my other grandfather had passed away (yes, I lost both of my grandfathers less than a year apart) and we were up in West Virginia for the funeral. That was the last time I saw him, and it’s been almost a year ago. I had spoken to him on the phone when I was on my way back to school for this quarter, near the last week of March.

My grandmother (his wife) passed away in her 50s, and I was only 3 at the time. It’s been 17 years that he’s lived alone. For a few years he had a cat named Candy, but after she died he decided not to get another pet. A few years after my grandma died a special woman came into his life named Marty. My grandfather was an incredible guitar player and loved gospel and country music, and would always go out singing and playing with his wife (and before my mom and her brother left home, them as well). When his wife died he didn’t even pick up his guitar for a year, but eventually he got on it again. When he met Marty, a vocalist, they began to play together and formed a wonderful bond between them. It wasn’t a romantic love, as he had made it perfectly clear he didn’t want to be remarried. It was more of a companionship, and it made life so much easier on my grandfather.

Marty knocked on his door this morning and got no answer. Tried calling, but nothing. She went down to his sister’s house and got the key, and the two of them went in to find him dead on the floor. I can’t begin to imagine the shock and pain that Marty had to have gone through.

I found out today around 6pm or so. I had just finished eating dinner and was on Skype with Mal. SCAD, being the wonderful school they are, had messed up their internet, and Skype was all that worked (no browser stuff). I saw that I had a call from my dad, so I picked up the phone. I could immediately hear my mother screaming in the background.

I was in complete disbelief. There was no sign that anything was wrong. He had been sick for the past two weeks with flu symptoms, but had been doing alright all things considered. Mom even said she talked to him just the night before. This all came very suddenly for everyone, and I can’t imagine what my mom is going through.

Strangely enough, early that morning (while I was still in bed) I received a call from my dad. He told me that mom was at work and suddenly got really sick with a feeling that something was wrong. She told him to call me and see how I was doing. I was fine, little did any of us know that the weird feeling she had was toward her dad.

My dad’s father passed away last June after a long battle with Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, but the passing of my mom’s father was completely unexpected. As I type this I’m still in disbelief that he’s actually gone. My grandfather loved a few things in life. He loved his family, he loved Jesus, and he loved music. He always wanted a guitar player in the family, but he couldn’t get that. My uncle played drums, and my mom played piano. When I was born, he was determined to make a guitar player out of me. For my second birthday he bought me a electric Peavey guitar, full-size (so I couldn’t even hold the thing for years). When I became a teenager I decided to start taking guitar lessons. My grandfather’s dream came true. I took lessons for five years and even played electric lead in a band, too. I can still remember when my grandfather would come to visit that we’d both sit down and play guitar together.

He lived in Maryland, and I lived in South Carolina. In my entire life I’ve probably seen him less than 100 times, and yet I mimicked much of his personality. My mother was always impressed at how closely I resembled her father in personality and humor when I saw him so little throughout the year. I had his ornery nature, and the times I was exposed to him I found that it only helped it grow even more.

His passing came too soon. I miss him dearly already, but I’m upset because I wanted him to meet Mallory. He always asked about her when I talked to him and said he wanted to meet her. Mallory is spending the summer with me and our family was going to visit him in Maryland so they could meet. I didn’t want his approval, because I know Mallory, and I know he would’ve approved. I just wanted them to meet, for him to look at her and say “she’s a good one, don’t let her get away”.

It’s also come at a bad time. This quarter is the busiest I’ve ever had, and every weekend finds me so busy I can barely finish my work. I’ve even had to decline attending one of my best friend’s weddings so I don’t risk failing any classes. But now I have to catch a flight tomorrow evening and return in the middle of next week, after things are due. I’ve emailed and called the dean of students but I haven’t gotten a reply yet.

I’m anxious to see people my grandfather knew. That’s one thing I remember most about my dad’s father’s funeral: I met a ton of interesting people. I heard stories I had never heard before. I can’t lie, I was never anywhere near as attached to my dad’s dad than my mom’s dad. Wesley was a great man, but often forgot my name, and always felt distant. Jim, on the other hand, knew who I was, and everything about me. When he would come to visit, he would ask about relevant things because he knew what was going on in my life. He was so proud of me, and always made it very obvious. I loved my grandfather dearly, and I’ll miss him just as much.

Pap, I’m sorry it had been a year since I saw you. This has taught me to always try and make time to see the ones you love, since you are never guaranteed tomorrow. I had so much left to learn from you, so many questions I wanted to ask, but now I’ll have to save them for another time. I know you’re happy—you’ve missed Darlene for 17 years, and now you finally get to hold her again. If only we could be as happy as you. We’ll join you one day soon, you can be sure of that, but until then, we sure do miss you down here. I’d give anything in the world to hear you play a guitar one more time. I’m glad you left a legacy of recordings for us to listen to, but it’ll never be the same as hearing you play live. I know that wreck you had really messed you up, and I’m sorry I didn’t get to see you after you had it. I’m just glad you’re better now: you’re probably jumping around feeling better than you have in years. We’ll meet again real soon, Pap. Hold an extra guitar for me in heaven—I want to play together again.

I love you and miss you.
Stephen